2020 -End of the year reflections by Connie Hawkins

 

I recently heard from a friend following my blogs who said, "It's a good thing that you don't make a living writing a blog because I haven't heard from you in months." Wow, did I even write at all in 2020?  If I did I can 't remember.

 2020 – End of the year reflections – Sunday, December 27 (From the journal of Connie Hawkins)

 It doesn’t really matter what day I share my reflections on 2020 it isn’t going to change the fact that it’s been a hell-of-a-year. Everyone I know will be glad when 2020 is over…praying for a better new year, one that is Covid free.  If I never hear that word again I wouldn’t care.

 January 1, 2020 – it was 33 degrees and sunny. The girls were here for games New Year’s Eve afternoon; they left about 5:30. I had made sloppy joes for a light supper but since they went to Applebee’s for lunch (without me) then enjoyed lots of munchies here, no one was hungry. I managed to stay up and watch the New Year’s ball drop and even gave Bill a new year’s kiss.  He was grinning like a Cheshire cat! (Once the virus hit - No games for the rest of this year--miss you game gals. :(

 Friday, January 31, 2020 (30 degrees with snow expected this afternoon)A part of the filling in my tooth fell out last night.  Not more popcorn for me. And of course, the dentist is closed on Fridays.  Luckily (so far) I’m not in any pain it’s just annoying.  I went online to see what kind of home remedies for a temporary patch…it said a cornstarch paste or that sugarless gum works.  I’m trying the gum but so far it won’t stay put.  Looks like soft foods for the weekend for me. Darn anyway. So, as you read January 2020 was uneventful, with the exception that I did not need radiation for my breast cancer – that was a big praise the Lord!  (I had a breast lump removed in December of 2019.) 

The highlight of February 2020 was celebrating my grandson's 8th birthday.  While the family was happily celebrating with lunch at Culver’s in Midland, an epidemic of enormous proportions was lurking outside our door. In early March the entire state of Michigan was in lockdown because of a virus, originating in China that would become known as the Coronavirus – Covid 19.  We didn’t leave our homes, except to buy food, for almost two months, missing March birthdays, Easter, my birthday and Memorial Day.  Little did we think that this world-wide pandemic would overtake the world, but it has. By spring we were able to at least get outdoors.  In the middle of May the Edenville Dam broke causing catastrophic flooding in Sanford and Midland.  In the middle of an earth-shattering pandemic many folks lost their homes. Hardships and tough times prevail.

 Our family gathered together on the 4th of July with a party on the deck in 90-degree heat. I had the slip and slide out for the kids to enjoy; unfortunately, grandson number two suffered a terrible sunburn he’s a tough little kid and powered through. The grandkids spent a few days with Grandma. They had a lot of fun with the golf cart I bought in June. It was nice having some around besides Bill, someone too talk too and have fun with.  Can you imagine Bill and I cooped up together for three months! All the restaurants were shut down so he couldn’t get out for coffee.  He spent a good part of 2020 sitting in his easy chair playing on his tablet, which is where he is as I write these reflections. We did get out late October for lunch at Logan’s to celebrate family birthdays.  My sister-in-law said she was glad we made the effort to mask up and get together in fear that things would get worse. (And, they did.)  In September we had a bonfire party with the Prime Time group from our church; there were about 25 of us. We were so happy to be out and fellowshipping with one another that there was little social distancing happening. We have not been to church since March so it was so good to see everyone.  We have been doing online church since March.  We got together with friends a couple of times for lunch before the restaurants closed but to this date (December 27) haven’t seen anyone from church. We talk on the phone every other week or so.  I am thankful for Skype, Zoom and Face Time this year that's about the only way I connect with family and friends.

 Everyone thought this pandemic would run its course and be over by fall – that did not happen. In November we were back in lockdown. By Christmas restaurants were shut down again.  We celebrated Bill’s 75th birthday with a drive-thru lunch at Panda Express and Long John’s for our anniversary lunch. Thanksgiving was quiet. Just Bill and I enjoying a meal together.  Heidi was to host a family party but canceled it. Christmas is looking too promising at this point.  By now we are all tired of hearing about Covid.

 I did most all of my Christmas shopping online looking forward to being with the family. I hadn’t seen my grandkids since August – five very long and depressing months.  Thank God for those Face Time chats with the grandkids.  Late November I started experiencing a hacking cough with some shortness of breath.  Dr. treated it as asthma.  I was on a Medo-dose pack followed two weeks later with antibiotics.  As Christmas neared it seemed to get worse so I called the doctor again and that’s how Bill and I found ourselves in line at Bay Health for Covid testing.  Since our results wouldn’t come in until after Christmas, My son,(very frustrated) rescheduled Christmas to Wednesday the 30. Bah-hum-bug.I told him not to cancel on my account but to go ahead with his plans, no one wanted to celebrate Christmas without Grandma there.  I was very sad not to mention depressed and spent Christmas Day in bed mostly feeling sorry for myself.  Although my son said it’s no one’s fault, I feel like it is my fault.  If I hadn’t called the doctor (on the Monday of Christmas week)  I would have gone on with my Christmas plans under the assumption that I had bronchitis/asthma, which I really believe that’s what I had. I am so angry at myself for calling the doctor – none of this not having Christmas would have happened.  I will admit that I had days throughout December where I felt fine but Christmas Day wasn’t one of those days.  As afore mentioned -- lots of depression going on.  A lot of older folks are having serious bouts of depression, me included.  Other than some anxiety attacks (had to take Xanax for several days) by Saturday (December 26) I felt fine – and then Bay Health called with our test results.

Bill’s test was negative; however, they screwed up my test and had to rerun it on Monday which means another three days of sitting on pins and needles – waiting!!!! Ghrrr!!! (I never did hear from the lab or the doctor) At this point, considering Bill is negative, I had to believe I was too.  Besides, I was feeling 97% better. You’d think if I did have Covid I’d be sick. It’ll be almost 10 days now since I supposedly was tested. Come hell or high water (I’ll wear a double mask) I am going to be my son's on Wednesday.  I refuse to disappoint my grandchildren yet again.  I'm not sick, they're not sick -- everything and everyone is fine. They should be -- no one was around me for over 14 days!

 Christmas has always been a stressful time for me in regard to family gatherings…this year because of Covid has been even more stressful – everyone having to wear a mask--or not. Not knowing when, or if, we get to celebrate.  Bill says in his 75 years this has been the worst Christmas ever.  I have to agree with him and shall I add it’s been the worst year ever.

 There is a light at the end of the tunnel and that as Christians we still have hope in Christ. Will 2021 be a better year? Will Covid come to an end? Will all those suffering financial hardships, who have lost their jobs…businesses closing…no money means no Christmas for so many, get relief. Will new vaccines to treat this deadly virus work?  Our country is in economic distress.  There is no money, millions of people around the United States have died and so many currently fighting to survive Covid.  We are most definitely at the Lord’s mercy. What will 2021 be like? Only God knows and He’s not sharing any details. It would probably scare the hell out of us if He did.  Personally, speaking I am ready for Jesus’ return. God help us all and God Bless America.


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